Why does everything have to be so logical? Everything has to match, be symmetrical or otherwise make sense. There is no room for chaos, no place for incomplete.
As perfect is the enemy of done so is flawless the opposite of beauty. Those things that are just a little a bit off make everything more complete. But I just can't leave it there. I need to make it whole. Even if it breaks it. Or rather, I can't break it to make it whole.
When I look what others have done I find beauty and creativity in the flaws they leave in their work. But if I find such flaws in my own doings I'm just disappointed. And I know I'm not perfect. But I can't even fail properly. Even that, I need to do perfectly, I just need to get it right. And it's hard, harder than just making it right. The boring way without any hint of creativity. Just the cold calculated facts. Pure engineered precision, following rules and formulas to the point.
I want to let it go for once. Go crazy and just do something that is unpredictable. I'm sure of I think enough of it and plan ahead I can get it right.