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I don't really want to write today

It's been a tough day. Had to say goodbye to one of our cats. The one I wrote about a couple of days ago. The mood has been quite down here throughout the day.

The day has gone through, somehow. Haven't had strength or interest to do much of anything. Even after coming to the conclusion that it was the best, a choice of reason, its still hard to let go. Hard to realize he's really gone. Even that we had a couple of days to prepare for the inevitable.

To be able to teach

To be able to work with things requires certain level of knowledge. You need to understand the things well enough that you yourself know how they work. You have probably started from the basics and worked up from there deepening your knowledge and forming your own understanding.

You might know how things work and how to use them but transferring that knowledge to others is another things. For that, you need to really understand them. You need to know where you come from and how you got there.

Weather to suit the mood

It was such a beautiful morning yesterday. The sun was shining and the air was fresh. Such a good start for a great day.

By the noon there was already some clouds gathering. I was sitting in a meeting when my phone rang. I don't usually answer in these situations but for a reason or another, I decided to take this one. I excused myself and stepped out. It was my wife, sobbing.

Everlearning

Last weekend we went to the info event about the school my son is applying. During the Q&A part, there was this one guy asking whether it's possible to learn the whole curriculum during the study period.

Do I really need to write again

I just wrote yesterday and now I'm here again. Need to come up with another 200 words from some topic that happens to come to my mind. And once again just before going to sleep.

It's another thing to leave the writing at the last moment, but actually coming up with something sensible to write would be better no matter when I write. It just seems like these late evening scribings are usually the one full of nonsense. Or just plain rambling how I can't come up with anything proper or am just overall tired of writing.

Don't think about the chicken

There is an internet meme, a game where you need to keep yourself from thinking about the chicken. It simply has a picture and the text " don't think about the chicken", and the notion that you already lost. It's a variation of The Game where the only rule is if you think about the game you lose. There are no winners in those games.

The school I would have wanted to go

We went to the info event held by the school he is applying: Hive. It's a new kind of school aiming to teach new programmers and other it workers to fill the ever-increasing demand for such competencies. They don't require any specific background or education, just the will to learn and an open mind. And of course, you need to pass the gateway test and make it through the intensive testing period they call Piscine. The school is based on the concept of  French 42 school and backed up by some of the Finlands most notable software companies. 

Revisions

I find it somewhat challenging to review my writings. It feels like once I have written something in stuck with it. I can't really start editing it properly to make it better anymore after it has been written.

Sure I can fix grammatical errors or other such small things when I notice them. But it feels hard to change the overall structure. It feels like it's not worth it, like it would require too much rework to get it right. And then it wouldn't fit into the rest of the text properly anyway.

Impeccable imposter

It's another of these days. Need to put on my best garments to look professional expert in front of a new client. Faking as it were like this how I dress casually. 

At the same time my confidence in my technical competence shows cracks. What if they ask something I don't know? I fear I'm an imposter.

Funnily enough, these two things seem to cancel each other out. While I'm pretending to look like the expert that I am I don't worry about my actual knowledge.

Sidetracking

It's easy to come up with some random topic to write about. And it's also easy to start writing about it. But sometimes halfway through you either run out of ideas or notice you have diverted writing about something completely different.

Without a good plan and a topic that has enough subject matter, it might be hard to keep on the subject even for a few hundred words. An idea might feel like easy to write about, but does it carry all the way to the end.

Pizza, take two

Let's take the pizza out of the owen. Fresh, steaming hot. But what are those pineapples doing on top of it? They don't belong to a pizza. At least according to my Italian friend who is paramount about the matter. And I have a pretty good impression he's not alone. 

I'm not a huge fan of pineapple on pizza myself either. I like a few pieces of it on top of it, but not too much. And I can definitely live without it. 

Pizzagraph

I promised myself I could write about anything. So why not pizza, as it is the topic of the week currently on 200wad. Or actually just the :pizza: emoji as @jasonleow it originally suggested.

Emojis are an interesting thing. They are today's pictographs, hieroglyphs of the modern age. The first impression is the degeneration of written communication. Today's kids (and older ones as well) are too lazy to even write full words but instead opt to post obscure images.

The one written in a hurry

I know, I know. I should have written earlier. It's not like I didn't have time or chances to write. And I also very well knew I couldn't write anymore in the evening. But despite everything, here I am. Still writing this while I could already be done with it instead of now trying to just get it done in a hurry. 

I need to skip this one

I failed already. I didn't follow my routine and instead of starting to write right away I started doing through my messages. This hardly ever happens in these situations, its the strongest cue to start writing for me. So strong that sometimes I have found myself starting to write right after sitting down on the train even if I had already completed writing for the day.

All the things I have written

As I have accumulated more and more post I have lost track of all the topics I have written. There have been so many, and often there are more than one posts worth of writing about a topic. Other times, after a while there might be something new to say about something I have previously written. And finally, sometimes I do notice myself writing about the same old thing over and over again.

Another new role

Once again I'm moving forward at my work to try out new things. Or rather nothing new actually. I have been doing it a bit on the side for ages already. Now it's just becoming more formal part of my role.

And to make it more apparent, I'm also starting a training today focused on improving my skills needed on that role. Well, most of the persons involved in that area in our company will be taking the same training as we are trying to get us to the next level in that area.

Sense, this makes none

Why does everything have to be so logical? Everything has to match, be symmetrical or otherwise make sense. There is no room for chaos, no place for incomplete. 

As perfect is the enemy of done so is flawless the opposite of beauty. Those things that are just a little a bit off make everything more complete. But I just can't leave it there. I need to make it whole. Even if it breaks it. Or rather, I can't break it to make it whole.

Hyperspeed on a memory lane

It's one of my most vivid memories. Sitting on the green floor of my room, in my childhood home. Listening to the gray radio laying on the floor beside me. Almost 27 years ago and I can still remember how it hit me. Suddenly there was something completely different playing on the radio. Something that I can't still quite describe, even after all these years. But it still happens whenever I hear it.

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