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Sharing is scary

I don't speak much. Not if I don't have anything worth saying. Or just if I don't have to. I'm afraid of talking, sharing my thoughts and feelings. I fear social situations, small talk. I don't know what to say.

I try to work on my fears every day. Challenge myself. Do little things that feel anxious. It's slow process and takes lot of time and energy. I'm not sure if it's even making the situation any better.

Another way to face your fears is to do something even more scary. Going over the top. Facing it face to face. If you can survive that your everyday scary won't feel that scary anymore.

I thought: ok I'll go talk in front of an audience. Thats scarier than talking to few people in person. People like Conan O'brian have said to have been using this method, for the exact same fears.

The problem is I actually liked it. I found out I like to be on stage. I like the attention. I like sharing my knowledge.

Didn't help with my fear.

Now I have realized it wasn't the people, not the talking part. It was the sharing. Exposing myself. Telling something about me. I newer talk about my feelings, my inner thoughts, my hopes.

This is probably the scariest thing I've ever done.

I hope it helps.