Yodeller

If you want to improve you can't just trust your own feeling. It's better to ask feedback from others. They might see things differently from the outside point of view.

It feels uneasy to show something unfinished to others. But some things are easier to fix before you put too much effort into them. Getting validation that you are on a right track early can save you a lot of work.

You can also become blind for the small things when you are too close. Or you might focus too much on the details so that you miss the big picture.

When you think you are done you might still have a doubt that it's not ready. You just keep trying to make it better fearing to show it to the world.

But if you can show it to somebody you can at least get a verification that it's good. In best case they spot your mistakes. That's why you asked for their feedback.

As much as it is aboit making things perfect asking feedback can also be your first step towards bigger audience. It's much easier to tell the world when you have already shown it to somebody.

A new month is a good time to take a moment and look back into previous one. What did I do, how did it go? How did it feel?

I started many things last month. I started exercising, I started a new larp project, I got a notebook and started to write my thoughts and tasks down to it and I started to track my habits. With only few exceptions I managed to keep up those habits. I have quite nice streaks on them already.

I felt great during the month. I felt productive, getting things done. Sometimes I felt a bit overwhelmed of all the things I were doing. Looking back I feel happy in general of what I accomplished.

I know there are still a lot to improve. I'm looking forward to start my next habit. But maybe I should slow down a little, make sure I don't take too much at the time. Some of those habits are still quite fresh and there are a lot of things coming up for me this month. Maybe instead of starting something new I could get rid of some bad habits this time.

Maybe just one this month...

I don't want to set goals. I want to keep on going past any such waypoints. But I think I have found one goal, one point I can't go beyond. I want to die alive.

I don't just want to drift through days without noticing them passing by. I want to have experiences, memories. I want to accomplish something, leave my mark. Or at least try and do my best.

Maybe I'm approaching my midlife crisis or something, or maybe I have reached my humane singularity but I'm not the person I used to be. I feel young. Maybe because I skipped so many days? Maybe something happened but I just wasn't paying attention?

Every experience changes us, leaves it's mark on us and makes us different. It doesn't have to be big, even small things accumulate.

I want to have new memories every morning.
I want to wake up as a new me.

By Tarja's words:
I live my days
every moment and it's memory,
not only to survive: to die alive.

I think ”be yourself” is a bad advice. It's ok to accept yourself as who you are, you don't have to change that. I also agree that you should behave the way you do without acting some other role because of others.

I'm comfortable being myself. I like who I am. But there are things I want to change. It's not who I want to be but what I would be at my best.

For example all those social situations. The twisted introvert inside me screams: leave, or at least don't say anything! But that's not who I want to be. So I stay, I talk. I pretend to be social.

If I want to be something else and act like that is it pretending? Like not being myself in those situation because that's not how I would act in those situations. If I keep doing that I will eventually start acting that way naturally, I can be myself in those situations. Fake it till you make it. But you have to mean it.

Don't settle being yourself, try to become the best version yourself instead.

Inspired by this post from Joonas I also started thinking about success. Unlike Joonas I'm not the CEO of successful international company. I do work at that very same company and like to think I've had my part on that success. But does that also make me successful?

I think there are two kind of success: external e.g. what others perceive and internal e.g. how you feel. The external one is usually easy, it's just reaching the goals one might set to you or the level of income they think is expected when you are successful. If somebody is doing better than you that could be your indication of success, or once they reach your level if you keep yourself as a successful person.

But that's all just a social status, it can be relative depending on the point of view of the observer.

What really matters is the internal feeling of success. The appreciation of accomplishments. For me the success is archiving new things, it's not something that I have reached and can't be taken away. I need to constantly pursuit for the new heights, new victories. That's what make me feel successful. That's what keeps me going.